he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
