Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize