So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
