haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
nutella sex= disaster
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want nice things and good sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
