he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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