Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
