Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
