I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
