Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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