my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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