I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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