All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
