he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
