i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
