I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
