kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
