Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
