pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
