we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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