I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
