that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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