Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
