woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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