I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
