the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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