i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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