There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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