So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
