I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
