The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
