there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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