I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
