I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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