I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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