i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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