Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
