Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
