I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
