So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
