mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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