look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
