When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
