it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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