grandma shit on top of the toilet
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
