i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
