Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
