I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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