He told me they were just razor bumps!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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