At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
whose parrot is this?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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