Rock
Scissors
Fuck
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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