Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
