Im at strip club and am horny
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
