I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
