I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
