turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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