oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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