two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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