Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
