Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
