I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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