On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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