you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
