Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
