I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
