I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
