party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
