I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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