I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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