you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
