If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
