Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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