when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
